Up and Down

"The fire in your heart is growing
You can fly, if you try leaving the past behind
Heaven only knows what you might find" Stan Bush - Dare-

I went on the bike today. I'm very tired, and starving. It's kind of irritating. Either way I went down into the next town which I think is something of an accomplishment. Big hills, but I never got off my bike once.

I got my sparring gear today which was awesome, though the shoes are too big. I think I might exchange them tomorrow. My Running magazine isn't in yet though :(

I don't know what it is, but I lack motivation today. I'm down. I have all these things around me, and yet nothing really helps. I don't feel what other people say they do. Am I not pushing enough? Not going long or far enough? I find it hard to be clear headed when I'm out there working out. I'm always thinking about what I'll do next, or if I'll go harder, or how much longer I'll push it, or debating with myself if I should pull my gears down a bit. If I'm running, I watch the time, and push and pull and just...sigh. Maybe it would be different if I could just...go. Wouldn't that be great? Like when you were a kid and had nothing else to worry about except for getting home for supper. Time was no object. The only thing you were racing against was your friends for the finish line, or home base. Gosh, the nostalgia is thick!

I think I need transition. The only problem with that lovely part of life is that it cannot be forced.

This is just a regular down in the usual tide of life. It's always up and down, so it can't be helped, but I'll try and do better, try to be better.

Going to keep writing this new part of Lycoris Radiata and maybe eat something else,

A.J. Ryan

P.S. I chose the quote this morning. I started on a much higher note.